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Steve Beck (Jedi Padawan Daelyn)

Daelyn's constant whining and inability to stop pouting has not ceased since the day he came out of his mother's womb. In fact, to keep from bludgeoning him to death with his walking stick, Yoda had to constantly bitch-slap the 4 year old Jedi in training. Obviously Yoda's methods didn't work too well because Daelyn is still just damn annoying.
Contrary to popular belief, Daelyn is actually not human, but Yugonkin (YOU-GONE-KIN) What does this mean? How are the native Yugonkins different from most human beings? Well, there is really no difference except that during mating season (or a full moon) Yugonkins experience eratic hair growth and loss. Most notably the head and chin areas will spontaneously lose or grow hair. This might seem extremely weird to most beings, but other Yugonkins find it extremely attractive and have a hard time keeping their hands off of the said being in heat. The best doctors and psychiatrists in the galaxy have yet to figure out exactly how it happens. It just does.

Michael Simon (Nagai)

Nagai entered the Kuldan Military Academy at the age of 18, and when he was 21, graduated as a second lieutenant. Soon his family fortune purchased him a commission as a Major, and heroism in battle during the Orange Grower's Rebellion earned him a Colonel's command. Soon afterward, Nagai left military life for political ambition. While brave on the battlefield, he showed that his great strength was his head for politics. He pummeled opponents relentlessly and found himself as the popularly elected Lord Warden of Kuldan, being elected on a security platform to combat growing concerns of unrest.

Michael Simon is a part-time yeast harvester, one time actor, full-time student, and Head Smasher for hire. He enjoys winning, fresh fruit, and undercooked meat. Mr. Simon is a recluse.

Katie Schrewe (Guard #2)

Guard 2 joined the Kuldan military through a scholarship program to help pay for dental school. However, under the militant leadership of Nagai, the demand for soldiers increased and Guard 2 was pulled out of dental school to service. After the civil unrest and Sith disturbance calm down, Guard 2 plans to finish dental school, settle down, and work on developing better, more comfortable uniforms for Kuldan military personnel.

Katie was living her life peacefully until she was forced to write this bio after her so-called friend threatened to attack her viciously with e-mail harrassment. Katie's hobbies include cooking, singing, graduating from Mizzou, and watching Center Stage as many times as possible.

Sean Pfaff (Darth Sidious)

Behind a curtain of secrecy lurked Darth Sidious, a mysterious Sith Lord and puppet-master of the tumultuous events that brought an end to the Republic. The Sith order had been extinct for a millennium, yet somehow, two survived -- the Master Sidious, and his deadly apprentice, Darth Maul. In the waning years of the Republic, the Sith order returned, but Sidious was content to hide in the shadows.

Sidious arranged for the cowardly Neimoidians to brazenly blockade and invade the peaceful planet of Naboo in protest over increased taxation from the senate. Sidious never contacted the Neimoidians directly. Instead, he relied on holographic communication. Such long distance transmissions coupled with obscuring dark robes kept his identity and location a secret to all of his accomplices.

Sidious ordered the Neimoidians to kill the Jedi ambassadors sent to negotiate a settlement. When they failed, Sidious dispatched Darth Maul. Throughout the invasion, Sidious was manipulating both ends, egging on the normally non-confrontational Neimoidians into combat, and somehow stalling procedures in the senate to keep the Republic from interfering.

Eventually, though, Naboo's young monarch Queen Amidala returned and led a resistance movement that defeated the mechanized Trade Federation army. Darth Maul was killed by Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Though on the surface it would appear the Sith agenda was defeated, the invasion had long-lasting implications for the Republic. In the resulting political upheaval, Supreme Chancellor Valorum was voted out of office, to be replaced by the ambitious Senator Palpatine. And despite the death of his prized apprentice, none of the Jedi knew for sure of Sidious' existence, or of his true identity.

Isaac Robinson (Jedi Knight Aurek Tanin)

Aurek Tannin was born one of the few humans on Mon Calamari. His parents were itinnerant kelp farmers on the ocean-world. As a small child he was noticed by traveling Jedi who were checking out the local "underwater circus" to see if it was on the up-and-up. Tannin was employed by the local carney aliens in their side show as "The Human Fish" because he could hold his breath longer than the average 3 year old. Sensing that the boy had special powers, the Jedi took him in exchange for not tipping the authorities off about one of the freak show booths. Something about a Jawa/Gundarrk baby.

Once on Coruscant and before the Council Yoda determined that the boy was "too old to begin the training". After their usual bickering and a slap fight between Masters Windu and Z'Ki, Tannin was allowed to begin the training.

Tannin teaches philosophy and survival training at the Jedi Academy and has spent years petitioning the Council for upgraded spacecraft (just wait for the movie ;-)). His off hours are spent in low-rent dives on Coruscant searching for the perfect cup of stimcaff and listening to archaic musical performances.

He was reluctant to take Daelyn as an apprentice because he felt it would interfere with his book research (for the soon to be finished: "Size Matters Not - the Unauthorized biography of Master Z'Ki"). Also, the boy's whining, pouty nature is really, REALLY annoying. Beyond that, Yugonkins are disgusting creatures with poor hygiene and that trippy facial-hair thing is totally bizarre.

Tannin plans to continue his work as a scholar and is outlining his next books "If He Wasn't Incinerated He Was Crushed - Why Does It Always Happen to Me?" and "Lightsabers Taste Like Jelly and Other Amusing Anecdotes From a Jedi Master".

Elizabeth Fieseler (Jedi Master Kadin)

Master Kadin is wickedly vain and was recently forced off the council in a hushed affair over a pair of leather boots. Unconfirmed reports say that there was a scuffle between Master Kadin and Master Z'Ki over the boots. Because of Kadinís failure to relinquish the boots to Z'ki she was forced to flee and is now in hiding somewhere on the Yugonkin home world.

Shortly after her disappearance Master Z'ki was seen with the leather boots and his usual big grin. This has led to a flood of speculation about what actually happened to Master Kadin. According to the most recent reporting (see this month's issue of Tatooine Tattler) there is a movement to purge the council and military of its female members. According to these reports, Master Kadin was just another victim of this movement.

When questioned about these recent occurrences Master Yoda merely mutters "damned Yugonkin facial hair". We have tried to contact Jedi Knight Lena for questioning about the incidents but she has been unreachable. Her publicist says that she is unavailable for contact and has no opinion on the situation. Recent paparazzi photographs indicate that she too may be in hiding.

For continued updates please read next month's issue of Tatooine Tattler.

Dan Sample (Guard #1)

Born to immigrants, Jed Iwan-Obi was raised in an extremely patriotic home. It seemed only natural for him to join the military once he was old enough. When he was assigned to Nagai's security detail, it was the proudest day in his parents' lives. Of course, being financially-challenged immigrants as they were, they never owned a television set, and so were unable to see all those episodes of Star Trek that so eloquently demonstrated the life-expectancy of most security officers.

When he isn't pretending to be a part of the Star Wars universe by wearing his Luke-Skywalker-on-Dagobah jacket, Daniel enjoys living up to his reputation as the Great American Storyteller by writing out stupid little blurbs about himself or the character(s) that he plays in fan films. He is also busily working on his first novel, which will probably never be finished. He currently resides in Columbia, MO with his pet rabbit.

Beth Brumback (Jedi Knight Lena)

Lena is a fabulous Jedi, whose favorite color is purple. She hopes to one day meet another nice Jedi and settle down on a peaceful planet and make lots of little Jedis. In her spare time, Lena enjoys killing evil beings with her purple light saber.

Brian Gamel (Jedi Master Dyen Otho)

Brian Gamel developed the script for GOTR with Sean Pfaff over the weeks following Spring Break, 2002. Having seen his ability to create Star Wars-esque SFX and knowing his desire to make a film, he began working on the draft of a story. Several exchanges later between Sean and himself, he began to write the actual script and began to put the movie process in motion. Throughout the process, he has been on staff with a local church for college students called The Rock. He graduated in December 2000 with a B.S. in Microbiology.

Matt Mabrey (Rebel #1)

This character was a discontent, malevolent drifter from the outer rim of Glakor. Suffering from a bad upbringing and deadly BO, he joined the Rebels of Kuldan in his early teens, thirsty for retribution against the discontented, malevolent government that never gave him a chance to be a Jedi, just because he was uncoordinated.

Matt is presently a senior at Mizzou, majoring in Secondary Science Education. Upon graduation in January and a marriage in May, look for Matt in Japan, where he will be teaching conversational English, along with his wife, Emily.

Lisa Huhman (Guard #4)

Following the movie, she changed her name and keeps her door locked at all times. When she sees Sean's car in the lot, she shuts off all the lights and hides in the closet. When he is knocking at the door, she hides under a blanket. Those star struck neighbors never catch a hint.

Josh Gilzow (Jedi Master Z'Ki)

The only three-toed Jedi to make it to the council was stricken with a rare condition that makes him permanently smile.